THE TOP LINKEDIN VIRTUAL PERSONAS

We encounter a large number of personas on LinkedIn. Some are real and some purely virtual.

Here is my list of frequently encountered styles.

As you go through the list I am sure you'll recognise someone on your timeline who fits the category.

EkHazaari :  These are the relentless Connection collectors. They won't rest till they’ve sent enough invites to touch a thousand connections.  Most of them are generally harmless in themselves, and once you’ve learnt to ignore one you’ve learnt to ignore them all. And watch out for that evil intentioned spammer in this category, who you unsuspectingly accept into your list.

Ishtahaari : These people love being advertising billboards for their companies. Their marketing department relies on them to reach the consumers more than any other media. To their credit they are sometimes more creative in their posts then their own ad agencies. 

 

Sanskaari : A la Alok Nath, these are the pure hearted denizens of LinkedIn. Their posts on CSR initiatives can loosen the purse strings of even the most stingy Shylock. I am very sure they are so pure hearted that they actually love their mother-in-law who in turn loved her mother-in-law at her time.

Tyohaari : These people normally keep a very low profile on LinkedIn but come alive at every festival in the panchang. Expect them to be the first to post animated diya gifs on Diwali. The more ardent of the tyohaaris make it a point to greet you on festivals which you don't observe. A sub caste of the Tyohaaris is the Namaskaari. For a Namaskaari  everyday is a new festival. A cheery good morning from them greets you every day. However you will then probably not see them again (thank goodness) for the rest of the day.

Desi-Khaari-In-English-Marie : They are the ubiquitous NRIs working for multinationals consultants but who are more desi than the desis. They believe that their annual pilgrimage to India in Dec keeps them more informed about India's problems and how to solve them than the rest of us. As they say, phir bhi dil hai Hindustani.

Teri-Meri-Yaari : They are the ones who send friendly DMs. Their friendliness leaves you feeling guilty for not remembering who the heck they are.  They keep promising to meet over a drink as soon as the pandemic is over.

Business-ke-Gulzaar’i :  These are the poets of the LinkedIn world. They are motivated by every quote they read and believe that you could do with some motivation too . From Simon Sinek to Sheryl Sandberg. From Warren Buffet to drunken tweets by Elon Musk. “Kisi ne kuchh kaha hai toh usse share karna to banta hai.”

Your reaction to them will probably depend on your mood and time of the day. You don't mind them when sitting in a mellow mood with a drink but if you're checking your timeline when waiting at a traffic signal they are to be skipped.

Nayi-Nayi-Berozgaari : These are the worried souls who have recently been laid off. And they rush to update their LinkedIn profile but are too scared to honestly show that their last working day in the company has already passed. They think stating the truth will hurt their job prospects but in reality the truth hurts their self pride. 

   

HaHakaari : The sole objective of these simple, self confessed laugh rioters is elicit a 'Ha Ha' from you in comments. Humour them with a smiley if you're amused or feeling generous. But beware this only encourages them to post more.

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MAHABHARATA CHARACTER

 

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MAHABHARATA CHARACTER (Choose from my list and descriptions or add your own in the comments - Anuj). Yudhisthira: Dharmaputra and all that. Sticks by his word. Not someone who’ll get swayed easily. The word I’m looking for is stubborn. Won’t fight unless he has to but somehow had no hesitation in killing everyone in sight during the battle. Turns hugely remorseful afterwards. Kind of wishy washy if you ask me. Wasn’t he actually the guy who started it all in the first place by participating in the dice game and that too playing on the high stakes table? Predictably loses his shirt and wife. Thank god he didn't honeymoon in Vegas. Really should have stuck to playing ludo with Mrs. D after dinner. To be fair, a splendid old chap to have around when you need to get to heaven, even if you are his step brother or a stray dog. Arjuna: Tall and Handsome, a great eye for detail and obviously good at his job. Great reputation and every inch a ladies’ man. Sort of guy who would be nominated for the Fortune 500’s most successful CEO of the year for 3 years running. But when it comes to the crux he chickens out big time. Puts up pretty lame excuses for not taking hard decisions. Finally goes by the advice of his consultant and not really out of any great conviction (probably coz he could pass on the buck should things go wrong). BTW the consultant's report is today an International bestseller. Bhima : Comes across as a strong arm, uncomplicated rustic sort of a guy who wouldn’t mind breaking a leg or two of anyone who dares to tease his woman. One needs a good bouncer to run a show as shady as Mahabharata and they don’t make them better than Bhima when you need some visual display of muscles. Not the sort of guy you’ll hire for your son’s math tuitions, but if you want an elephant killed in the middle of a battle he’s your man. Krishna : Smooth talker, great intellect and foresight. But can be mercilessly devious to get what he wants. Reminds me of Reggie Mantle of ‘Archies’ fame. Has developed quite a cult following and a big fan club by cleverly confusing everyone on whether he is God or man. Acts as the censor board by cutting out the nude scenes but lets the violence remain giving Mahabharata a PG-13 in the US and U/A in India. Finally he dies a rather nondescript death alone in the forest at the hands of a hunter mistaken for an animal. Is the Mahabharata trying to convey a message here? To his credit he (along with Mr. Y) was one of the few who at least tried to negotiate a peace deal before the war. Duryodhana (aka Suyodhana) : Doesn’t he remind you of Pran of yesteryear Bollywood fame. Having been typecast as a villain through some rather ‘bad guy’ roles early in his career, he just can’t shake off the image. Like Macbeth, his vaulting ambition (laced with the poison of envy) proves to be his fatal flaw. But also consider that he was one guy who fought fairly (unlike some of our ‘good’ friends) and stood by his friends squarely (ask Karna). Is it just a matter of chance that stalwarts like Bhishma, Drona and Karna land up fighting on his side? Karna : Born out of wedlock and abandoned by his mother at birth, Karna manages to get your sympathy by posing himself as the ‘wronged’ but ‘rightful’ challenger to Pandavas in general and Arjuna in particular. Sort of the ‘good guy’ in the ‘bad guys’ team. He does not let his tremendous status anxiety transcend his sense of fairness and loyalty. Nor does he let Yudhisthira know that he is actually the eldest son of Kunti and therefore the rightful king. He stands by Duryodhana despite allurements by Krishna, plaints by Kunti and even fakes by Indra . He doesn’t take any shit from Bhishma either and refuses to fight for the first ten days of the battle because of this. But how can one feel sympathy for the guy who slanders polyandrous Draupadi, making her out to be a slut and thus deserving of being disrobed in public. All because she rejected him earlier. Not the sort of guy you’d want your daughter to hang around with. Bhishma :  By the time everyone has settled down in the theatre and the ushers have stopped blocking your view Bhishma is already a grandfather (of sorts), has renounced his right to rule and has voluntarily become a celibate for life. All for selfless causes. Certainly not easy to do that. Like you don’t talk ill of JRD Tata when describing the history of Indian Industry for fear of antagonizing one’s listeners, one doesn’t talk bad of the ‘Pitahmah’ either when televising a Mahabharata serial. His sense of duty is beyond reproach. Or is it? Draupadi when fighting without any help to save her honour, clutching desperately to the last piece of clothing stained with menstrual blood, asks of the elders present there : “What is left of the dharma of kings?”, the only reply that our respected Grandpa can come up with is “Dharma is subtle”. If he had any gumption the old man ought to have stopped it there and then. “Enough is enough” is what the audience wanted to hear - not such ambivalent stuffy stuff on dharma. But then clarity on whose side he was on was never his strong point, was it? Fighting for the Kauravas and at the same time passing on secrets to the Pandavas on how to cause his own death is not only very confusing but just a shade away from double crossing. Draupadi: What a courageous heroine. Placed by her husband in a humiliating and unenviable position she is not the one to buckle down. She starts by chastising her husband (“Whom did you lose first – Yourself or me?”) and then castigates almost everyone present there (“What is left of the dharma of kings?”). Notice the complete absence of a plea for mercy (“Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do”). Finally with a bit of help from an unexplained miracle (some say Krishna’s help) she forces Dhritarashtra to grant freedom not only to herself but also manages to get everything her husband has lost. (Mr. Y of course promptly goes and loses it all over again but that is another story). In the forest she is one constantly chiding Yudhisthira to fight the Kauravas and seize back the kingdom. But is she without blemishes? Remember her at the time of her swayamvar wherein Karna had won fairly and squarely and she arguably bends the rule book, just so that she can marry Arjuna instead of Karna? No wonder Karna is cheesed off with her. (Disclaimer : This is merely for casual weekend reading. No disrespect intended to any sensitivities you may have towards these characters and the epic. Neither is by any means an academic analysis of the story) -- Anuj (Repost - originally written circa 2010)